life

a very close friend of one of my favorite coworkers passed away this week. i am guessing that she was in her early thirties and probably had AIDS. I am only guessing she was suffering from AIDS because my friend has described her friend as dying from "being sick for a long time". even with everything that goes down in my village, it's still kind of weird to me how no one will admit that someone had AIDS after they pass, even though they live their life telling people that having AIDS doesn't mean you should be stigmatized, taking care of those who are ill, and talking to people about how to avoid getting HIV.

anyways, after she told me this, she was her usual happy self. she also had mentioned that this woman was her best friend. hold up. so you are telling me, that your best friend dies in her early thirties and you don't even miss a day of work? wow, sometimes it is so glaringly obvious how different our lives are that i feel like a total idiot. i told her that if one of my best friends in the world had died, i wouldn't want to leave my house for weeks and would be uncontrollably upset. she just laughed and laughed (she does this a lot about most things, but still). this is coming from yesterday when I was talking to another coworker about our lesson for today and she informed me (seemingly in a realy good mood)that she wouldn't be here today or most of next week because she had just heard that her mother was critically ill and she had to go home and take care of her while she had her last days (about 4 hours away). wow. that is pretty much all i can say.

death here is just treated so differently. even though i have been here for 9 months (!!) it is something that i just cant get used to. every weekend there are a number of funerals in my village. usually, about 50-75% of the time when i ask a coworker about their plans for the weekend it involves going to a funeral. one of my coworkers has a attended a funeral (i think) every saturday for the last 3 months. i have been to three here. i do not like to go to them, even though in Zulu culture it is totally acceptable to go to a funeral of someone you have almost absolutely no contact with or to. i just don't like to go because then I become the center of attention (seriously, a large group of people spent the 3 funerals I attended staring at me the entire time, almost as though they had forgotten where they were). the high rate of HIV/AIDS in my village (somewhere around 40-45%), as well as TB and overall poor healthcare makes this happen.

after talking to these two women i reflected--i just WISH that i could give all of my favorite loves from my village the chance to live the privaledged and pampered life that I have in the states. they would be so astounded (swearing is needed in this case to emphasize). i think, that if i have the money or in some crazy streak of luck in my future become a millionaire when i grow up (yes, i am still a kid in my mind), i will try to take linde, zodwa, nozipho, and thandeka to the united states for a while and show them a good time.

eiish.

i am predicting that when i return to the united states in 2010, my mind my explode with anger about how selfish and self-centered most americans can be. although i do have my comforts here (examples: a soft bed that i created with a sponge after my still current mattress started vomiting springs, monthly candy from america, and my laptop) i have a feeling that I am going to have a hard time living with myself if i don't give a large portion of what i have back. i have started to love some of these women so much that i just wish i could do anything for them. One of my favorites lives on $2/day and she has a job! ughhhh. what is this world coming to? i just don't know anymore.